I'm SOOOO in Trouble...

When, in the course of parental events, it becomes necessary for one Daddy to investigate the thievery evidence which has been presented to them by another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to state some stuff and use a 200 year old document to prove a point!

I hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Coffee, Pizza and the pursuit of a little blonde CUPCAKE THIEF!

What was that all about? I had a sudden forefather moment.

As I'm ordering a Pizza (for someone who shall remain nameless, Kaitlyn,) I hear some shuffling and come back to a horrible crime. After I confronted the criminal. I stole the booty back and asked the perp for a reenactment of the crime. What follows is this:

I'm so screwed when she grows up...